Her words today are “I am being responsible.” or “At least I’m not doing Meth”. My frustration is how can you think anything that can possibly lead to where you have been is okay. Her world is about the “I’m not doing…” or “I am trying…” when she really is not trying. The master of disguise has put on the mask that can make the excuses right for what she has done which is what she shouldn’t be doing. She has no direction, no motivation, no will and loves her friends more than herself. She has come to the conclusion she wants her GED (how does a 15 year old know that?). How does a 15 year old know what is best for her? The world according to her…everything is going to be okay as long as she is doing what she wants no matter the consequence. The world according to her…I am sorry for what I did. Wait, shouldn’t that be I didn’t think what I was supposed to. I would love to not be disappointed. I would love to not be let down. I would love to have the unexpected happen…longer for the 5 minutes she wants something. My world would be totally different if she didn’t have the traits of an addict and the mind of an addict. How can one soul be so lost? I don’t understand the mind of an addict no matter how many meetings I may go to or how many things I may read. How can you be so strong inside and so weak inside at the same time? At 15, she has experienced more than many 45-year olds. You watch her try to swallow herself in these substances when she is trying to escape, when she should be trying to get lost in rainbows and fairies. You watch her try to kill herself, and a part of you dies with each slit each time. Yet you find the strength to fight…for her…for you…for her to just believe. So, the newest edition is that her friends have convinced her to go to church. Faith and Belief, 2 very powerful words she needs to find the definition of.
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