Wherefore Art Thou Tahlie?

Hello? Personality? Where did you go? Is there anybody in there? You can run, but you can’t hide..

Or can it?

This last week I have zero motivation to do anything but read and take snaps, even snaps are half arsed. This is highly irritating and a little disturbing for someone who is usually doing 10 things at once and cannot sit still, but I don’t have the battery power to fire myself up and fix up. I feel suffocated. Something is smothering me, choking me, holding my arms behind my back and not letting go.

Whispering dirty nothings, putting thoughts into my mind that I do not wish to be there. What does it want? It has taken my personalty hostage and replaced it with nothing. Unoccupied space, a vacant head and heart. I am but a skeleton.

Once i’m out with people, i’m all good, IF you can get me out. Last month was pretty heavy, pretty intense, hilarious, chaotic, hurtful and awesome in many ways. I feel drained. So I thought, i’ll put it down to that. It’s more than that though, much more. Live, learn and move on. I’m getting better at this. I don’t have the energy to think about what it is. My personality will soon creep up behind me, give me a fright and possess me once again, right?

I thought maybe venting would help.

My energy and sense of humour have been zapped. My sense of humour never gets zapped. The passion I generally have for many things I either do not stop talking about, look up or read about – almost entirely void. I’ve got zero. Wherefore art thou Tahlie?

Strange, because yet I crave some kind of ‘kick your ass to the curb’ downer to make me switch off. Maybe that’s what it is. I’ve fried myself by overloading. I’m trying my hardest not to think about the billion things I need to think about, because I don’t know how to take one thing on at a time. Life is a complicated thing, sometimes.

Tension is rising. Does it make sense that one may go into some kind of mental hibernation from themselves? Taking also what is enjoyable and storing it away, too?

Well that’s not really fair, is it. I don’t like being a shell, a shell with many knots.

I miss you inspiration, passion, motivation, desire, drive.

It’s just stress, right? Stop kicking your own ass. I know this will pass quite swiftly but right now, it’s driving me mad.

Personality, please hurry back soon.

Yours longingly

Tahlie xox

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