if by when the train comes you’re not here, i’m going to get on it. every time she walks down the street she glances back to see if i am looking. i am, i cannot help it.
Last night i had two dreams about you. or maybe you were in my dream twice. you seemed happy, you were smiling both times. i never see you do that. also, in one of the times, you were jogging, but you weren’t as skinny. you looked gorgeous. and you didn’t see me but you were smiling to yourself like you liked yourself and i thought that was brilliant because you never seem to like yourself.
if you touched me right now i would dissolve into millions of pieces. if i ever see you in real life, i will muster up the courage to tell you how perfect we are for each other. if i can’t, then i will drink a lot and then tell you. if you reject me i will be even happier. no one will ever love me like you do in my head.
tomorrow is going to be a shit day. without you, shittier. but maybe I’ll meet you at that party i’m going to. beach party? in 8 degree weather? that sounds like the type of shit you’d be into.
so i heard about this antidepressant that is not an ssri and it doesn’t kill your libido or hunger. i will be talking to my doctor about that. also, keep yuour fingers crossed for no lithium prescription. tomorrow i have a class that i haven’t attended more than once: we have a midterm next week i believe. fuckin a. i am really considering going home for a long time this summer. mostly because my summer plans kind of went to the shitter and i dont have any money to stay. or a job. i also miss my mum. everything that’s happened lately is rough.
I’ve been thinking about what could have triggered my bipolarism. i have no clue, it just started acting up over the summer. then i i read an article that said people have no fucking clue why bipolar people are bipolar. and that 25% of us commit suicide. i also think that before being bipolar i was unipolar. i didn’t think more bullshit names existed for depression, but i was wrong.
do you think it’s crazy if i want my life to be a TV show? i don’t even care which one.
no, more like this one:
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